Thursday, January 18, 2007

Blog it out

Just back from the RE's office and my hot date with the syringe.

G's sperm numbers/count/motility/etc were rockin' as always...I have a nice fat egg...so why do I feel so hopeless & melancholy? Aargh!

And it's so strange how the IUI procedure itself is so fast. Today I was laying on the table with my knees up for 10 minutes afterwards (because we all know THAT is the magic trick that will get me pg) I was feeling sort of...used. Like when you're young and meet some hot dude and are all excited about having sex with him and then you DO have sex with him and then it's over and you're just lying there in some stranger's bed feeling like a big fat piece of nothing, wondering what to do next.

Not that I am speaking from experience or anything.

But for some reason, this is how I feel after my IUIs. Like I was putting all my eggs in this one basket (ba dum bum) and then it's just over and there's nothing else to do but wait and see if the dude calls or in this case, if a stupid peestick test tells me good news.

The OTHER thing I was thinking about on my cab ride back to my office (because I reeealllly feel like being at work right now) is that all of the people in the waiting room at my RE's office studiously avoid making eye contact with each other. Is that how it is for all you fellow fertility-challenged people out there? Because really, it would maybe be cool if it was more like the blogosphere where we're all virtually smiling at each other and hugging one another and just offering as much support as we can. Instead, it feels like everyone in that waiting room is trying to pretend we're not really there, or trying to avoid being seen, or trying to keep from looking at anyone else in an effort to protect each other from the knowledge that we ALL KNOW why we are there. WE ALL KNOW that everyone in that room is dealing with this infertility beast and man, it seems like it would make it easier if we at least smiled at one another in solidarity.

I guess I need to start with me though, you can't change the world by trying to change everyone else. So from now on, I'm going to do my best to make eye contact and smile at people in that waiting room.

If you go to the same RE as me, you'll know who I am -- the petite dark-haired woman who is staring at you and smiling like a maniac. Feel free to run screaming.

10 comments:

Carol said...

Well congrats on your IUI and G's great counts and your big fat follicle! and please don't get discouraged. Even if this one doesn't work - it will work eventually!!

We're going to have a long 2ww together!

Michelle said...

GOsh-- that resonated with me. I remember sitting in my first RE's office and looking at people wondering what their "problem" was. Everyone avoids eye contact and you just wish people would speak and support each other.
When I was having my eggs retrieved for IVF, I talked to a girl who was having hers removed right before me. ANd it was the first time I had ever talked to another RE patient...and I had been going to see an RE for a year!

Cathleen said...

You're hilarious. My first appointment with RE#2 is Monday. We'll see what kind of crowd this waiting room will have...

Anita said...

Found you through Mel at SQ&SPJ.

I always found the hushed environment of the re's office a bit unsettling. Like a wake almost. You would think that with all of us suffering from IF seated in one room the conversations would come easy.

I have you bookmarked and will be by often. Best wishes for your 2ww.

Leslie said...

So true - and I have unfortunately been there looking at the guy wondering why I just did that. Haven't been there with the iui but thats coming next month! Good luck staying sane in the next two weeks.

Baby Blues said...

Found you through Cyclesista. I wanted to find someone sharing the 2ww with me. I'm on IUI#2.
I hear you on the waiting room experience. Everyone seems to avoid eye contact and pretend they don't see anyone else. I'll do what you suggested. But the next time I go back there, I hope I have good reasons to smile! ;) Good luck!

Melissa said...

I'm getting ready to go through my first IUI in a week or so. It totally freaks me out that this procedure basically takes the sex out of making a baby. I know that is a very simplified view but it still kinda bothers me.

I have to admit, though, I am totally one of those "don't make eye contact" kinda girls. When I'm in that waiting room I'm generally having an internal dialogue trying to convince myself not to dissolve into a of puddle emotional slop.

Even so, if I ever see someone with your description make an effort to smile at me, I promise to smile back.

ellie said...

My RE has a TV that plays I love lucy on it- most everyone is focused on that-- though yesterday was the first day that I actually saw anyone in the office other than myself and it was packed! The only people speaking though were some of the translators--apparently the place has a large european crowd as several of the people seem to here from other countries. Not sure why but it was interesting. Yeah it would be nice to have a friendly space in the waiting room-- maybe they could make 2 sections so I have a place to go when I am cranky from hormones and a different place when I am feeling good from the hormones.
Good luck this cycle!

Mommy Someday said...

Hi there! I'm a relatively new reader...congrats on your baby by the way!!! I have two unsuccessful IUIs under my belt and I am trying to learn from those who have been successful. Can you tell me when (time wise) you took the HCG trigger shot and then how much time passed before your IUI? Thanks so much!

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