Just back from the RE's office and my hot date with the syringe.
G's sperm numbers/count/motility/etc were rockin' as always...I have a nice fat egg...so why do I feel so hopeless & melancholy? Aargh!
And it's so strange how the IUI procedure itself is so fast. Today I was laying on the table with my knees up for 10 minutes afterwards (because we all know THAT is the magic trick that will get me pg) I was feeling sort of...used. Like when you're young and meet some hot dude and are all excited about having sex with him and then you DO have sex with him and then it's over and you're just lying there in some stranger's bed feeling like a big fat piece of nothing, wondering what to do next.
Not that I am speaking from experience or anything.
But for some reason, this is how I feel after my IUIs. Like I was putting all my eggs in this one basket (ba dum bum) and then it's just over and there's nothing else to do but wait and see if the dude calls or in this case, if a stupid peestick test tells me good news.
The OTHER thing I was thinking about on my cab ride back to my office (because I reeealllly feel like being at work right now) is that all of the people in the waiting room at my RE's office studiously avoid making eye contact with each other. Is that how it is for all you fellow fertility-challenged people out there? Because really, it would maybe be cool if it was more like the blogosphere where we're all virtually smiling at each other and hugging one another and just offering as much support as we can. Instead, it feels like everyone in that waiting room is trying to pretend we're not really there, or trying to avoid being seen, or trying to keep from looking at anyone else in an effort to protect each other from the knowledge that we ALL KNOW why we are there. WE ALL KNOW that everyone in that room is dealing with this infertility beast and man, it seems like it would make it easier if we at least smiled at one another in solidarity.
I guess I need to start with me though, you can't change the world by trying to change everyone else. So from now on, I'm going to do my best to make eye contact and smile at people in that waiting room.
If you go to the same RE as me, you'll know who I am -- the petite dark-haired woman who is staring at you and smiling like a maniac. Feel free to run screaming.