Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Nothing like what I envisioned

I don't know where to go with these feelings and thoughts so I guess I just need to blog it out. First of all, let me just say that I am so happy and excited to be pregnant.

And now I have to say that it's been really miserable so far. I have been in so much pain from gas, constipation, and bloating that at times I can barely walk. I'm hardly sleeping. And I don't know what to eat because everything seems to make it worse. I'm not eating very much. And I'm so afraid that somehow I can't do this pregnancy thing. I'm so afraid that if I don't eat right something is going to go wrong, and yet I'm in so much pain when I eat that I dread eating.

The one piece of good news is that I've scoured the internet and found that there are other people out there who have had it this bad with the digestive problems, so at least I know that it's relatively "normal". And my doc doesn't seem too concerned, which I guess is a good thing.

After being up all night last night I decided to stay home from work today to try to get some rest. I'm trying to figure out what food seems to make the digestive problems worse and what might make them a little better. I'm hoping I can go back to work tomorow though because at only 4 1/2 weeks it feels a little early to be missing work.

I just never thought it would be like this. I wanted to be pregnant so badly and now I feel like my body can't do it right. I'm scared that all of this means that something is terribly wrong with the baby, or with me -- what if I just can't do pregnancy??

And I feel so terrible feeling this way, like I should just be so grateful that I got pregnant in the first place and that I have no right to be so upset about how hard it is. But I have to get this out somewhere, because it's making me crazy.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that you are feeling so crummy. It's ok that this is hard.

I mean jeez...why should it be easy now? You've only had to work for everything else. :)

I hope you start to feel better soon.

Just another Jenny said...

"like I should just be so grateful that I got pregnant in the first place and that I have no right to be so upset about how hard it is". I think alot of us feel the same way, you are not alone.

The nausea during my first trimester and constipation throughout has taken some of the fun out of it. Being upset about shitty side effects doesn't mean that you aren't grateful, it means you are human. I really hope that you do start to feel better.

Carol said...

Don't worry - your body will do it right. I think your body just needs a little time to adjust - there's a lot going on in there.

Nickie said...

{{{HUGS}}} it will get better.

Colace is your friend! Also fiber supplements. And lots of water.

Avoid bananas and cheese until it gets a bit better. Apples are good, they have fiber and juice. Apple juice is good too.

If you look back on my blog, I posted about how bad my gas/bloating/constipation had gotten, it was horrible. The farts were soooo nasty even my dog had to leave the room and they made me want to hurl!

It gets better. I promise.

And it doesn't mean you're not grateful, just that right now, you're full of shit. LOL

Kate said...

I agree with Jenny--just because you have these awful symptoms doesn't mean that you are not grateful. It's just part of the game. And you know what, I can almost guarantee you that at one point, months and years from now, when you are home with your beautiful baby (or toddler), you will think to yourself, "is THIS what I've been waiting for? I hate parenting!" And you will immediately feel guilty because you will remember how much you wanted this baby and how much you went through to have him or her and how ungrateful it makes you sound. But I think it is normal. Take it easy on yourself.

Also, an old wives' tale is that the sicker you are, the more it means that the pregnancy is sticking. I know it's not much consolation, but perhaps it can ease your worries some. If you don't feel like eating, don't worry--you will make up for it in the second trimester.

Melissa said...

Too bad you're feeling so crappy - I hope you get better soon!

Marie-Baguette said...

I had some of your experience too. I recently discovered that Decaf is absolutly miraculous for constipation, and I also eat All Bran (not as good as Nutella, but it helps). Good luck with everything. I got big, but I pretended that I was eating to fight off the winter depression!
Bonne chance!