Sleep Deprived but Still in Love

It's been a while since I posted, which pretty much sums up my life right now -- it's been a while since I've been able to do anything but feed the baby, rock the baby, change the baby, bounce the baby on the bouncy ball, eat, go to the bathroom, and get what little sleep she allows me to get before we repeat everything again. Completely ordinary new parent stuff but so intense when you are experiencing it for yourself!

Thanks to everyone who stopped by with congrats, it means a lot to me. Being a mom is at once the best thing I've ever done and the absolute hardest...and it feels so good to have people cheering me on, because some days I definitely have felt like I just can't do it right now. These days are always following a day when I've had no naps, so I'm on strict orders from G to take a nap every day no matter what. This morning I got about two hours, hooray! So now I'm more in the zone of happy mommy vs. crazed sleep-deprived mommy.

Ava is amazing, she is changing almost literally in front of our eyes. She's starting to chub out a bit, and seems to be losing a little hair and what's growing back in is a little lighter in color. I'm dying to find out what color her eyes are, but I know that will take a while. She's starting to hold her head up a little more, which is exciting. And we're definitely starting to learn her likes (milk, bouncing on the bouncy ball, hanging out in her papasan chair, listening to water running in the kitchen sink, sleeping right on top of us, lights) and dislikes (waiting for more than 1 second when she's hungry, the swing, being swaddled without her arms free, getting her diaper changed).

Breastfeeding has been SO hard, I really didn't think it would be this hard. We've had an incredibly hard time getting a good latch, which meant hours of pain for me. Nothing like getting woken up in the middle of the night to someone chomping down on one of the most sensitive parts of your body. But it's slowly starting to improve, and I'm hoping for completely pain-free nursing sometime in the near future.

More pics:

"oh, hello!"


chillin' in the papasan:


trying out the moby wrap (hmmm, not sure if I like this or not):

Looks Like I Spoke Too Soon

Well, a little less than 3 hours after posting my last post...I went into labor!!

Ava Katherine was born on Friday, October 5, at 10:18 AM. She weighed in at 6 lb 5 oz and is 19 inches long, and so far she's the love of our lives!

The birth went so well, although laboring overnight is pretty tiring and suffice it to say we certainly haven't caught up on sleep now that we have a newborn ruling the roost. Honestly, pushing my daughter out into the world was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced and I am so incredibly grateful that she is here and healthy and happy. What a journey...

I'm exhausted, so I can't write much more now, but will be back soon with more updates and more pics.

Some pictures for now:

Weighing In:


First Shampoo (ahhh, spa day):


Mommy & Ava:

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

I'm still here. Not much new to report! I am sloooowly making some progress in the dilation and effacement department -- had my 39 week appointment yesterday and I am now between 1 & 2 cm dilated and over 50% effaced (my doc's not much for specific numbers, which actually helps me obsess less, yay!) So it's a good thing that I'm making progress, but still doesn't tell me much about when this baby might be coming out.

Doc said at my next appointment we'll talk about what the next steps might be, how I'm feeling, how she's feeling about how things are going, etc. So I guess this will be the induction talk. I spent some time today doing a bunch of research on induction and talking to folks online who have gone through it and I feel less afraid of it. I think I'm just at the point where I'm ok with whatever needs to happen to get the baby out safely and so she's the most healthy. Not sure yet if that will include inducing, but if it does, so be it.

It's funny because I was really against the idea of induction a few months ago, and now I realize that just like I couldn't exactly plan the "perfect" conception, I can't plan the "perfect" birth. And while the reality of it is that it will be great if I go into labor on my own (still hoping, still have time), there's nothing wrong with a little medical intervention to get the baby into the world either. I figure since we had medical help to get her in there, no shame in having medical help to get her out either!

It just reminds me again though, how much people put moral values on all sorts of things related to parenting, from how you get pregnant to what choices you make during pregnancy to how you choose to go through labor and delivery...and I won't even get into the crazy hotbeds like feeding and sleep training and cloth vs. disposable diapers. There are definitely people out there who are adamant about not inducing, just like there are people who discouraged me from going to the RE and said I should just take herbs and do acupuncture and I'd get pregnant for sure. Ultimately I need to gather all the info I can and then make my own decision.

The truly exciting news is that I will very likely be holding my baby in the next couple of weeks! And I know that none of this stuff will matter then...